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10 Tested and Proven Ways to Get Fired August 22, 2008

Posted by dapinoyemployee in Da Pinoy Employee.
Tags: ,

Had enough?  Want a reason to quit?  Here are ways you can give your boss enough reason to give you the boot:

1. Be lazy.
Don’t work.  Show up late.  Take long lunch breaks, cigarette breaks and bathroom breaks.  Sleep on the job or sneak out to go shopping when the boss isn’t around.

2. Don’t get involved.
Teamwork?  What teamwork?  You’re a lone wolf and you like working alone.  When a project comes up, don’t volunteer.  If you get assigned to a group, groan, complain and be uncooperative.  Say you’re too good for this stuff.

3. Always say, ‘That’s not my job.’
You have a copy of your job description and whatever task it is that’s being shoved in your direction just isn’t on the list.  Refuse vehemently and demand that only the jobs included in your job description should be expected of you.

4. Don’t learn.
So what if you’ve been in that job for over a year?  Hey, learning the right way to handle customers, write a report or use the equipment are just too much hard work for you.  Why not sit back, relax and just slack your way down the drain?

5. Steal from the company supplies store or coffers.
So what’s a few post-its or pens sneaked out of the office premises?  How about a few reams of high quality bond paper or some of those ink cartridges or steel bars or boxes of speakers?  While you’re at it, why not a pallet of very expensive equipment?

6. Use company technology for personal gain.
What’s the use of having your own personal phone line in the office if you can’t use it to call your kids at home and take half an hour to instruct them on doing the laundry or the dishes?  Or why not use the internet to video chat with your honey?  Or why not use your computer to keep all your porn files?

7. Work less hours than required.
Forty-hour weeks?  Forget it!  Try 30 or 25.  And when your boss says you need to work overtime, groan loudly, roll your eyes and throw a tantrum.

8. Gossip.  About everything.
Did you hear a snippet of someone else’s conversation?  Tell your cubicle mates about it.  Did your boss say something about a possible retrenchment?  Hold a small meeting downstairs and scare everyone out of their wits.  Do you know how much the new manager is making?  Tell everyone about it and snicker as they begin hating the poor guy for earning so well when he’s so new.

9. Forget deadlines conveniently.
There’s nothing better to sabotage your work and that of your boss’ other than procrastination.  Hey, even your boss works on a deadline.  But why bother?  You want to get fired, right?  Take a deadline and extend it another week or so before turning in your work.

10. Complain.  About everything.
Nothing’s too good for you at the office – everything sucks, is ugly and inappropriate.  Don’t these people know what color paint goes with what furniture?  And how about the perks?  Your former office was soooo much better at giving away stuff.  Why, they practically gave you the moon!



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